When I was laid off from my role as an editor for a magazine in late 2024, logically, I knew what I was supposed to think: Don’t tie your self-worth to a job. After all, it’s just a job. While I did my best to believe that optimistic mantra, most days — and especially on the ones I scooped up dirty, sweaty towels from rich people at a local gym to make ends meet — I felt hopeless.

I had little money coming in for several months, and on more mornings than I’d care to admit, fewer and fewer reasons to wake up. I barely felt human. As Aja Evans, a New York City-based financial therapist and author of Feel Good Finance, tells Vox, feeling terrible about yourself during a period of unemployment or underemployment is super common.

“We really do base a lot of our identity on what we do,” she says, to the point that a career can seem like “the most important aspect of who we are and how we present ourselves.” According to a 2023 Pew Research poll, about 4 in 10 Americans who aren’t self-employed see their careers as a crucial part of their overall identity. So when you’re out of work, your perception of yourself — and how you’re supposed to present yourself to other people — becomes skewed. There’s obviously a lot more to any human than their job status, but with social structures that value financial success over other attributes (say, how kind or adventurous you are), unemployment can feel painful and confusing.

There’s also a good chance that, as you’re navigating a new budget, you probably don’t have as much extra money to spend on pleasure — perhaps you have to decline dinner and drink invites, or put off long-anticipated trips or concerts. Making the (smart!) decision to pull back on certain expenses can feel extra isolating. If any of this is resonating with you, know that you’re not alone: Layoffs are incredibly common across all industries, and a lot of people are struggling right now.

Here are some tips from people who have gone through it (or who are there right now). Allow yourself time to grieve the job — and the life — you had Though Domenica Davis, 47, had an inkling that layoffs were going to affect her role as a national broadcast TV meteorologist almost two years ago, that didn’t make the news any less difficult to digest. “It was shocking,” she tells Vox.

“I thought, Oh my god. What am I going to do?” Felicia Penza was 30 years old, pregnant with twins, and preparing to relocate from Scottsdale, Arizona, to Los Angeles in 2010 when she was unexpectedly let go from her job as a graphic designer. “Getting laid off is devastating,” the now-46-year-old tells Vox.

“It’s like an unexpected breakup in a relationship meant to endure, to last.” “Take a beat, feel your feelings, and potentially grieve a job that is no longer in your life.”Aja Evans, NYC-based financial therapist As Evans notes, it’s really important to sit with those uncomfortable emotions for a bit. Sure, it might initially feel productive to scour LinkedIn 24/7 with hopes of finding your dream role immediately, but you’re likely to get burned out fast if you do this. “A job search, especially in this economy, often feels like screaming into the void,” Amy Wilson, a 39-year-old digital marketer who’s experienced a handful of layoffs since 2020, tells Vox.

“A lot of effort for no results. And to anyone who would say, Every no gets you one closer to your yes, I’d like to say, Shut the fuck up. … It’s actually demoralizing.’” That’s exactly why it’s important not to jump in immediately. “Take a beat, feel your feelings, and potentially grieve a job that is no longer in your life,” Evans says.

What does that look like? Call a friend or your therapist, or just sit on your ass and do nothing for a couple of days — whatever feels right. There will be a time for applications and networking, but give yourself a minute.

“Let’s get out of crisis mode; let’s get out of the stress cycle so that we can move into a place of making longer-term decisions,” Evans says. Tend to your bruised ego If you were lucky to receive some sort of severance package, you might be able to grieve a job loss a little longer than someone who didn’t. But at some point, even with unemployment checks (which only last, at best, about 26 weeks), you’ll probably need a steady form of income to cover basic living expenses.

And earning that might look different than what you’re used to. When one 36-year-old living in New York City (whom Vox granted anonymity to avoid professional repercussions), was let go from her director-level marketing role for a fashion brand, her ego took a major hit as she searched tirelessly for work. Though she was able to eventually secure a new job, she considered it a step down in her career.

The woman told Vox via email: “I TOOK A $50K PAY CUT (screams from the mountain tops). So I feel poor AF. Going from director to a specialist — yikes!” Penza, on the other hand, didn’t take a job that she didn’t want to, but she still felt the stigma of being