If I understand what’s happening, a judge still has to approve of the deal, but the glee coming out of Global Tetrahedron HQ is enough to create a contact high. Imagine a roaring arena packed to the rafters with pathological liars. High above you in the nosebleeds are podcasters, screaming that you’ll die if you don’t buy their skincare products.
Below, on the floor, imagine demonic battalions of super-influencers physically forcing people into home fitness devices designed to dismantle your body bone by bone and reassemble you into a grotesque statue of yourself. Out of the throngs, an extremely sick looking man approaches you. He puts his hands on your shoulders.
He explains that he is your life coach and that you owe him $800. Such is the InfoWars I envision: An infinite virtual surface teeming with ads. Not just ads, but scams!
Not just scams, but lies with no object, free radical misinformation, sentences and images so poorly thought out that they are unhealthy even to view for just a few seconds. The InfoWars of old was only the prototype for the hell I know we can build together: A digital platform where, every day, visitors sacrifice themselves at altars of delusion and misery, their minds fully disintegrating on contact. The sack of fermented garbage juice operating under the moniker Alex Jones is responding as he does when he isn’t making the lives of bereaved parents even worse.
Waaaaah. Jones took to X to lament the news later on Monday, claiming The Onion was “in deep shit” and stating that he was “already suing the Democratic party law firms” and has “civil rights lawsuits.” Appearing shirtless behind the Infowars desk, Jones alleged the satirical news site was planning to “misrepresent” him in an attempt to “confuse people” and defame him. “Just because you’re wearing my shirt, don’t mean you’re me,” Jones said.
Thank God for that. People who post off-topic comments buy dick pills from Alex Jones.